October 2009
12 posts
hello? is it me you're looking for?
david cook. we have to talk. it’s about your eliza dushku…thing.
STALKING IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME YOU?
so, ok. i’m basing this on my [extremely, wildly] limited knowledge of his life and vaguely assuming he doesn’t actually know her? so he starts following her on twitter, and that’s adorable. and he tweets at/about her once or twice....
and our fingers; they almost touched.
you know how i know you’re gay david cook has ruined my life?
it’s gotten to the point that i can no longer distinguish between shit that i thought about/wished for or shit that actually happened.
if you follow me on twitter, maybe the other day you saw my tweet, in which i said:
ok i just woke up completely convinced that @thedavidcook kissed a dude on stage at some point. did i...
welcome to the motherfucking gun show.
this is not a clever post or a funny post. somehow i don’t think you’ll mind.
UNF. UNF. UNF!
his ARMS, yo. holy mother of all things masturbatory. i want to climb him like a fucking tree.
and no arms here, but who cares?
stick a fork in me. i’m done. finito. kaput. RUINED.
[photo credit.]
five tv shows david cook should ruin.
as much as i bemoan the ruination that david cook inflicts on my life, i’m totally willing to allow him to ruin these five tv shows i love. how i met your mother. easy! he plays himself, in town for some music event. he’d fit right in with the gang. you know lily and marshall voted for him together, so they’d be stoked to meet him, and he could fascinate/infuriate barney by...
i was listening to ludo on the subway today and...
let's hear it for america's tweethearts.
my top 10(ish) most favorite life-ruining tweets by david f. cook, esq.
ugh ugh ugh DAVID COOK SHUT YOUR FACE. first of all, ew. don’t say “poop,” and certainly don’t encourage the dog to do so in your brother’s BED, yo. but. but. “Luuuuv UUUUU”?!?!?! get the fuck out of here. my heart has exploded into one million tiny winged scottie dogs that are...
an epistolary romance.
it’s been a while, hasn’t it?
there are so many things i’d like to discuss. so, so many things. like how after all my bitching, david cook finally got a twitter WHILE I WAS OUT OF THE COUNTRY. i checked my email and approximately EVERYONE I KNOW had emailed me to tell me.
or, like, the handful of shows i’ve seen since my last post, and all the millions of different ways...
August 2009
4 posts
it gets louder and louder.
in case you were wondering: europe? fab!
and more importantly, life: still ruined!
more soon, i promise.
can he ruin my life from across the atlantic?
in about an hour, i’m flying to italy for a mediterranean cruise. (my life is hard, i know.) while i’m sure david cook will continue to ruin my life (and the lives of many others) in my absence, i won’t be available to discuss his path of destruction until august 22.
keep an eye on him while i’m gone, won’t you? don’t let him out of your sight! ;)
xo
i put on the same clothes i wore yesterday; when...
oh, hi, best shirt ever.
i stood next to him while he had it on.
i managed, i think, three syllables.
“hi” was one.
“thanks, dave,” were the other two.
if you’ve ever looked at this blog, you can probably surmise i am a fairly verbose individual. however, in the presence of that dude? complete loss of perspicacity. my friend had to literally steer me into...
July 2009
2 posts
and we'll all sing along.
i saw this boy tonight.
he is my favorite.
the show was in this odd venue that served food and had tables and really faily rules for a rock show, including: “silence is requested while the performers are on stage” and “you must remain seated during the performance.”
before the show began, the manager came around to every table and said they’d had a conversation...
June 2009
9 posts
these friends are golden.
i’ve been quiet, haven’t i? david cook was busy being on vacation and i was busy being a person with an actual life. relocating to a new city, taking a week-long trip, all alone, to a state where i know nobody. making plans, making moves.
i started this blog because it amused me, because david cook, god love him, does make frequent (and usually successful) attempts to ruin my life....
this is a story.
so.
david cook.
let’s talk tour dates.
so okay. i live in albany, new york. i am moving in like three weeks to new york city. everything is insane and i decided there was just no way i could go to any shows in june. okay, fine. and i’m spending most of august in europe (i know, my life is really hard), so pretty much none of those dates were viable.
so…july it is!, i...
May 2009
12 posts
oh really, dave? your dog? and your home furnishings? yeah? and you’re going to sit around with that face and talk with your hands and fiddle with your big weird ring? is that how you’re playing it? fine. that’s great. just keep doing that while i quietly go in the corner and die.
(ruined.)
