david cook ruined my life

it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

there are so many things i’d like to discuss. so, so many things. like how after all my bitching, david cook finally got a twitter WHILE I WAS OUT OF THE COUNTRY. i checked my email and approximately EVERYONE I KNOW had emailed me to tell me.

or, like, the handful of shows i’ve seen since my last post, and all the millions of different ways my life was ruined, destroyed, obliterated, etc etc by one david roland cook.

or about how he finally played in albany, three months after i moved away from there, or about that weird-ass rose necklace that i, predictably, love beyond any sort of reason, or, like, whatever, some stupid picture of his stupid face because it’s my favorite.

but i’m not going to talk about that.

instead, an open letter.

dear mr. cook:

WHERE AND WHEN IS THE LAST SHOW OF YOUR TOUR, DUDE?

all i want to do is go to the last show. (okay, maybe the last two shows. or three, depending. shut up, you don’t know my life.) but i can’t. you know why? BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS WHERE/WHEN IT IS. i keep going “oh shit! i have to get to atlanta! wait — no, i have to get to florida! no, no…charlotte! how much is it to fly to charlotte?!”

i realize this is technically (and by “technically” i mean “actually” and “entirely”) my problem, not yours. but you know what? i don’t care. because the last show is going to be fucking rad, and a bunch of silly/crazy/hilarious things will occur, and you’ll probably cry and that’s always a good time. (i say that with love, obvs.)

you don’t know me, but if you did, you’d probably think i was crazy. hell, you probably think we’re all crazy. i hope it’s at least in an affectionate way. like a “wow-those-bitches-are-nuts-but-aww-it’s-kinda-cute” way. i think it is. i think you love us.

so, let’s end this shit right. after all those hot, sweaty, sticky nights full of screams and sounds and bodies in motion, we’re ready for one hell of a climax.

…wait, what was i talking about?

oh, right. concert! i mean, come on. don’t be a rocktease (that’s like a cocktease, obvs. only WORSE). you know wherever it is, we’ll be there. all you have to do is tell us.

your move, bb.